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The album Everything is Fine continues the shift from earlier albums in the A Year of Music project. It brings more insight into what was going on with me at the time, as well as the introduction of someone named Abby. We’ll get to her later.
A changelog is a list of changes made to software, such as updates, new features, and bug fixes. This song is mine.
The song Changelog is effectively a rundown on me. It uses a lot of tech terms and references to explain that I was a mess in the beginning and have been trying to improve on my updates.
The song also harkens back to the theme of Mind of Mine on Last Box:
The style sheet of my skin gathers
Specific expectations from those who say it shouldn’t matter
Yet they can’t stop focusing their eyes on design
To see the system that is running inside
Throughout the song, I discuss trying to fix myself, and going through multiple attempts before finally getting to where I am now.
The song Defiant came about because of the mass amounts of riots, looting, assaults, killing, and other acts of violence that ravaged the country in 2020.
You know, all the stuff the mainstream media called “protests” and tries to ignore these days. Meanwhile, January 6th, 2021 is somehow equivalent to the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs.
Communities were destroyed, businesses were burned, and we were supposed to be good with that. They said, “They have insurance!” as if that makes it totally cool. Loads of people from other states came into communities they didn’t live in to annhilate it, while claiming they were supporting the people there. Really? Because you fucked up the Target, Wendy’s, and other businesses those people worked and shopped in. They needed those businesses because they actually live there, while you’re just an invader who gets to go back to your nice home in another state.
Forget all that though, statues need to be removed because they’re oppressing me.
This track had a different kind of flow than pretty much every other track I’ve ever done. The rhymes are spaced far apart, but done so for a reason. I needed room to go into a thesaurus-like detail of what was happening.
When my ex-wife tried to take my kids away, my stress levels shot through the roof of Heaven. I blamed myself in many ways and did everything I could to undo it all. I had no contact with them, no way of making sure they were OK, and a lawsuit over my head to take them from me.
Keep in mind that I have always been there for my kids. I worked my ass off for them, took care of them, raised them, and assured them that they were coming back home from their visit. And then they didn’t.
Many people say that when it comes to custody battles, the mother often wins. As you can imagine, that was on my mind.
In the end, my fears did not come true. They live with me and for good reason. But even though they were back again and with me for almost a year at the time of recording that song, I still fell apart at the end while reciting the verses.
Watcher tells the story of a being that has been watching over us for a long time. And it has grown very tired of humans and their bullshit.
Through the song, this being rails against us for our selfishness, our lack of attention to children in need, and our lazy ineffective way of being. It warns that while we have not acted, it will act for us and we won’t like what happens.
It has a similar feeling to The Day The Earth Stood Still, and references the Keanu Reeves version, but stresses that what is coming will be far worse.
This track to me feels like a follow up to Perfect World, though I am not sure I actually meant it to be. Between the two, I like Perfect World more and I doubt I’ll be able to make a better version of it.
Then again, I don’t want to have to.
Since the beginning of my music back in the late 1990s, I’ve had issues with religious theories and the way the universe seems to do things. Over the years, I’ve largely moved away from those types of tracks. Instead, I’ve followed the Cerano method:
The song “Dear Life” returns to some of these issues as a handwritten letter to the universe. It lodges multiple complaints and asks questions that can’t be answered with an empty “just because” type of answer. It also discusses Free Will, and how it is not compatible with Divine Will.
I know there are some people who will tell me that’s not true, but it’s because they are ignoring that thing called logic. For Divine Will to exist, you can’t have Free Will. Divine Will requires anything God wants to happen to happen, regardless of what your will demands. This isn’t hard to understand, but is an example of how people try to control the concept of God. They want God to be the way they want, rather than letting God be the way God should actually be in order to be all powerful and all knowing.
This type of thing angers some people. I don’t really care. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, heard the complaints, and have promptly not given a shit. My relationship with God, however contentious it may be at times, is my own, and it doesn’t require your approval or acceptance. That’s between us, so your judgement of how it’s going is meaningless, just as my judgement of yours would be.
Returning to the theme in Tun on the album March, the song Mental Sabotage goes head on at the destructive voice in my head. The track is a back and forth argument with the side of me that wants me to fail. Throughout the song, the voice tells me that I suck, reminding me of past failures, and reminds me that it is just an extension of myself. It’s the echo of my own screw ups and insecurities, all bellowing into my brain as a way to hold me back.
The tone of the song quickly becomes aggressive, with me growing frustrated with my other side. It makes a vicious attempt to attack me using my own voice, declaring the whole 12 albums should be called Massive Failure, insisting that I won’t get it done.
The track is a very accurate example of what goes on in my head and how I have to fight with myself to move forward. It’s kind of annoying.
After our breakup on Get the Duct Tape, it seemed that Hannah would be gone for good. But like herpes, Hannah won’t ever really go away.
Yes, she hates that I described her that way.
On this album, I apologize to her for blowing up like I did. I was kind of an asshole to her, and even though she was being her usual annoying self, she didn’t deserve what happened.
More is also revealed about Hannah and why she hangs around me so much. It becomes a big turning point for our relationship, and helps to define what happens for us going forward.
The track Making Up also references my desire to be a writer, and an upcoming work that would become “the hardest thing I have ever written.”
Nothing stands out on this album more than the song Their First Time. It is an almost 10 minute storytelling track that reveals the secret life of a teenage girl named Abby. While it leads you through her life and friendship with Heather, things take a dark turn.
I’d rather not explain much about the song. Instead, like I told Hannah, just listen to it, front to back.
It’s also worth noting that this is only a short story of Abby. Her novel is coming soon.
And by that, I mean I’ve already finished it.