In Retrospect

From the album Deconstruction.

[random drunken rant at the start, between verses and at the end]

[Verse 1 – Opening]
As I think about the past I am faced with the task
of examining the acts or lack of and trapped
in a room full of personal ghosts and demons
like my name is Tommy Gavin a broken form of He-Man
shooting off lyrical semen I’m breathin
into the microphone a madness with reason
crowbar in my hand like freeman a free-man
I am trying to be releasin’
hell, and pain, disgust
nothing but us in this room so keep your fucking mouth shut
hear what I’m saying designed for you three
from me…

[Verse 2 – Quin]
You were the start the beginning so you are first
you were the most important thing to me on this earth
but reversed saw the curse saw the hurt shatter worlds
murder me saw me turn friends concerned that I’d hurl
myself from a bridge or rooftop to stop
every thought that I caught but bore the juggernaut
a monster became with a name and change
with deranged strange lyrical rage on a page
you broke me, fucked me with lies and bitch it hurt
but I believed you, I should have seen through the bullshit that you worked
so I guess that it was my fault to believe the garbage that you said
and I went from wanting you to just wanting you dead
I’ve pushed you back out of my head, and I am clear
and if things had changed and I was with you than I would not be here
so thank you for the lies and leading me on for your laughs
because what couldn’t led to nothing led to real love at last

[Verse 3 – Mandy]
once close friends though we never met
just the phone and internet you’d cry and wish you were dead
vent everyday pissed at life hating in tears
but you were never alone you always had me here
knowing that gave you an edge in my head
heading in and embedding in keeping me out of bed
late nights listening to you say stupid shit
“no friends no one loves me” bullshit bitch
listen, you knew that you were hot as fuck
big tits on a teenage girl so everyone was glued to you, stuck
you knew this and did this shit to me to give you pity
fucking drama queen bullshit I wish somebody would’ve hit me
because the moment that I needed you I saw the door just swung one way
blew me off like I didn’t mean shit, day after day
so fuck you, you selfish bitch the only good thing was your chest
that I will never forget because those pics you sent me I put up on the Internet

[Verse 4 – Paris]
The final one that I name on track
unexpected by the cats who are hearing me rap
but I can’t sit back let her catch the flack
that I threw because of bitches in my life who love crapped
on me Paris caught it quick kept hitting the bitch
with a fit of sick lyrics that build when I’m pissed
half a dozen diss tracks getting harder and horrible
and verbal imagery of her in situations that were terrible
[slow down] she caught the beam, became the target of my rage
released on her the hate and pain those bitches put in Dave
don’t get me wrong I’m not a fan at all but it is true
that she was hit with misdirected anger when my mind became unglued
I Bombed her, said goodbye to her, obsessed on her for years
and finally she got the best of me with no intention to reappear
so in the end, fuck both you bitches Mandy and Quin
and Paris honestly I’m sorry you caught the shit I should have aimed at them